Pitch:
Jolenta goes in search of her roots to Portuguese Macau. The Macanese people are dwindling in number and Jolenta's family will not talk about the past. Hankering after her ancestry, she visits feisty 89 year old Great Aunty Cheeki in Los Angeles, and thankfully the old lady is willing to talk.
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“After the end of Portuguese Macau, all the memories start fading, and each time an old person dies is a moment of no return. That's why your interpretation is so valid and useful.”
Dr. Jorge Forjaz, author of 'Familias Macaenses'
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Works of art mentioned in the book exist. [I used to be a professional artist.] They are purchased by public or private collections. I am trying to get specific links to the collections...
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Macanese people= of the former Portuguese colony of Macau established in 1557, now under SAR [50 year administrative rule] to
Hi Yolanda
ReplyDeleteJust thought I'd pop over and say thanks for directing me to this site. I've created a blog now. Hope you'll take a look
Love Sue x
You should put pictures of your paintings up here, if that is commercially OK. I always like it when painters start writing stories-- it is fun to see the pictures and stories together.
ReplyDeletewell done with the book, you have come a long way
ReplyDeleteMiss you. Wish you'd contact me. My e-mail address on the profile page where you've not been for a long time. xxxx
ReplyDeleteAnnabelleP wrote 409 days ago
ReplyDeleteHi Yolanda,
This is beautiful writing, very much like a picture in itself if you understand what I am saying? Your descriptions are vivid and I am keen to follow Jol and see how the journey pans out - I do love a story with an emotional and/or physical journey in it, preferably both. I am not going to nit-pick the technical stuff as others will do that for you but what I can say is the for me, this flowed, it was an easy and enoyable read. I will try to get back to read more but for now,
Bests
Adelaide Short
markhenderson wrote 409 days ago
ReplyDeleteI echo the two previous comments. This is a warm, satisfying piece of writing and the characters are well-rounded and convincing. Oddly, it took me some little time before I had a clear image of your protagonist/ narrator, Jol, but I suppose that's intentional: this is going to be a journey of self-discovery. But I'm really impressed. This is much better than most material on the [writer's site] site! (I love your description of the act of painting, too. I'm an amateur oil painter and what you wrote resonated beautifully for me.)
I was a little surprised at the heterogeneity of chapter lengths. Chapter 2 seemed very long (it didn't become tedious, I promise - but it did seem to go on a lot), while chapter 3 is extremely short. That might affect an editor's or publisher's judgment. In terms of style, I'm loath to criticise people who write better than I can, but a few of your sentences struck me as infelicitous. Take the start of the fifth paragraph of chapter 1, for instance ("Unlike..."). I had to read that sentence three times before I understood it. That's not a good idea so early in the book!
Your pitch doesn't do justice to your work. Editors often don't read beyond the pitch, so you HAVE to get it right. As it stands, your short pitch is repeated in your long pitch, and the "she" in the penultimate paragraph seems to lack an antecedent. I strongly suggest that you re-work what you've written there.
I'm almost entirely ignorant of the history of the Portugese Empire. I look forward to the completion of your book, which will enable me to gain some insight into it in an aesthetically satisfying and enjoyable way.
Mark("Overlooked")
maryinflorida wrote 409 days ago
ReplyDeleteYolanda,
When I logged on today, the first thing I noticed on my News was that Mark had commented on "Eye of an Artist." That piqued my interest. Mark is a delightful reviewer - he's so enthusiastic and generous. (I tend to be succinct because I believe I lack the knowledge to fairly criticize other's work.) And the word artist - ah, now we have something in common. I've read a chapter and a half of "Eye" and have thoroughly enjoyed all the yummy detail, oddly juxtaposed objects and actions, intimate views and observations - everything that creates atmosphere and images inside my mind's eye.
I agree with Mark regarding your pitch. After reading your bio, then the short pitch, then the longer description, I feel as if you spent too many words repeating yourself in a paragraph where every word is as valuable as gold. He also pointed out a few inept sentences. As a U.S. citizen, my English differs from that of the Brits, Aussies or the many speakers worldwide who learn the language. As such, I immediately noticed your syntax and its rich, colorful divergence from my own. This voice generally adds depth to your story because it contributes to the underlying multi-cultural experience and characters. However, in some instances the awkward phrasing distracts from the flow and poetry of your words - all easily repaired with a bit of tough-love editing.
You might enjoy my "Liminality: A Tale of Fox Possession" which is about a bi-racial Japanese-American wildlife photographer who visits Fushimi Inari in Japan after the death of her father. Like your "Eye," family history and secrets are central themes and art is a metaphor for the story.
Best wishes for success and welcome to the site.
Mary
Joanna Stephen-Ward wrote 409 days ago
ReplyDeleteYolanda,
You've got some wonderful descriptions here. Turpentine perfumes the air . . . i could smell the pine. Through ch 1 you create smells that I wish I could smell. Hot spicy fat with star anise. And sounds - the thwack of a tennis ball.
Joanna
Hi Yolanda,
ReplyDeleteJust stopped by and learned you have family from Hong Kong and Macau, like me. Not sure you will receive this message, but you might be interested in my efforts to gather stories from immigrants (Macanese and others) from the far east. Visit my site:www.FarEastCurrents.com to find out more.
Roy Eric Xavier
Rdinvst@yahoo.com
Dear Roy,
DeleteI was amazed to come across your message on my blog today. I don't visit it often, because I am so busy writing. Also the blog did not alert me.
I look forward to investigating your website and research and getting in touch one day. If you could let me know, which country you live in that would be marvellous.
I'm based in Stratford, London E15 4AA.
very best wishes, Yolanda